An Open Letter To You, The People

To you, the people who didn’t care for either party and chose to vote for Bob Barr
You who decided not to vote for McCain because you are angry with George W Bush
To you I say, your decisions resulted in a vote for Socialism. May the wealth be spread from you, not to you.

To you, the unwed pregnant mother living in Pennsylvania
You who had asked for my assistance in helping you understand the political process
You who did opposite of everything I told you
To you I say, congratulations. May your welfare bring you many years to think about your vote.

To you, the people of Congress
The people who have sworn to destroy my constitutionally guaranteed freedom of speech
You who have given me ample warning to protect myself against your ‘fairness doctrine’
To you I say, I have moved my servers off-shore. Your move, jerks.

To you, the people who want to bring an unsuccessful end to the war
You who have accused American soldiers of bombing villages and killing children
You who believe it would be an acceptable loss to let Al Qaeda control Iraq
To you, a warning: You have just voted to reduce your own protection by 25%

To you, the Kenyan family of Barack Hussein Obama
The people who celebrated a foreign election by slaughtering bulls, chicken and goats
The people who live in filthy and wretched conditions
To you, a warning: Beware of attacks by liberal groups such as PETA. Unga-Bunga!

To you, the 96% of black voters who voted for Barack Hussein Obama to make history
You who didn’t know that Barack Hussein Obama is 50% Caucasian from his mother's side and 43.75% Arabic and 6.25% African Negro from his father's side
To you I say, you have only made 6.25% history. And shame on you for not knowing an Arab when you see one.

To you, the founders of the United States of America, I apologize. For the first time in my adult life, I am not proud of my country.